MOZCON.

The holy grail of SEO conferences.

It comes but once a year, but when it does, brace your Tweetdeck – shit’s about to BLOW UP.

Seattle, Washington is overthrown by a mob of geeks, all clambering to catch just the slightest whiff of Rand Fishkin’s Moz-brand cologne through the cool bay breeze.

Amidst the horrendous smackdowns throughout the year from Google, MozCon is the one beacon of hope that SEO nerds have to actually look forward to every year.

It’s the one time of year people who have only interacted with each other online get together, drink lots of beer to overcome the crippling awkwardness, learn about geeky things…and then tweet EVERY SINGLE MORSEL of it for the world to see, with “#mozcon” of course.

Sounds like an SEO’s dream, right?

Right!

…Except for those who are stuck back at their dank offices plugging away at keyword research, sending hopeless link outreach, and poring over the custom columns they set up in Tweetdeck for HASHTAG MOZCON.

For the 1,200 or so attendees, there are thousands more who are back at the office going about their daily work routines, including myself.

But, if I were at Mozcon…

I probably wouldn’t be able to contain my excitement

AAAAA you guys #mozcon is gonna be OFF THE HOOK!!! Can't wait for y'all to get here!

— Ruth Burr (@ruthburr) July 8, 2013

#MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon #MozCon

— MyCool King (@iPullRank) July 8, 2013

Omg #mozcon!!

— Jennifer Sable Lopez (@jennita) July 8, 2013

So excited for #mozcon in #seattle! Feel like a kid the night before the first day of kindergarten!

— Michelle Marrah (@michelleeaann) July 8, 2013

In fact, it would probably keep me from sleeping…

Super excited for #mozcon tomorrow — can barely sleep!!

— Rob Toledo (@stentontoledo) July 8, 2013

I'm literally too excited about #MozCon to go to sleep. This is a problem.

— Mike Arnesen (@Mike_Arnesen) July 8, 2013

I would obviously arrive early

It's a full hour before breakfast but I'm so excited I might just go loiter outside the convention center #mozcon

— Kathryn Denton (@KDenton101) July 8, 2013

I would definitely attend the #mozcrawl

What's up with this #mozcon pub crawl thing I keep hearing about?

— MyCool King (@iPullRank) July 7, 2013

#mozcrawl RT @PeterJKirby: So what is everyone at #mozcon doing tonight?

— Sam DeBord (@SEATTLEHOMEoCOM) July 8, 2013

I hope Rogerbot is packing Aspirin for the #MozCrawl crowd! #MozCon

— Matthew Shepherd (@MatShepSEO) July 8, 2013

I might even pull a #Sebald

Been in the city for 30 minutes and already thrown out of a bar. #mozcon

— Bill Sebald (@billsebald) July 8, 2013

I would make sure everyone knew how awesome the stage looked

Boom! #mozcon pic.twitter.com/L3672oSEOB

— Saurav Rimal (@SauravRimal) July 8, 2013

This is how the venue looks just before #mozCon starts! Simply Amazingggggg pic.twitter.com/DXk5Ks65YY

— Aleyda Solis (@aleyda) July 8, 2013

The #MozCon stage is blowing our minds! pic.twitter.com/lpsoLCeYQn

— Mack Web Solutions (@mackwebteam) July 8, 2013

Wow. The #mozcon stage is amazing.

— Mackenzie Fogelson (@mackfogelson) July 8, 2013

Wow I'm in the #mozcon room. They've really outdone last year

— MyCool King (@iPullRank) July 8, 2013

I would definitely have my expectations shattered about what people ACTUALLY look like in real life

That moment when @jcolman has to introduce himself because you don't recognize him #EmbarrasingMoment #mozcon

— nick eubanks (@nick_eubanks) July 8, 2013

After finally meeting him in person, I'm convinced that @content_muse is a pirate. He has the look and the swagger. No joke. #mozcon

— Lauren Hall-Stigerts (@lstigerts) July 9, 2013

So I guess my profile pic makes me look small. Ill try and post a morning-of pic so it's more accurate for those at #mozcon

— Jon Cooper (@PointBlankSEO) July 8, 2013

Not going to lie, I'm really excited for Mozcon to see the real faces behind the marketers that fill up my Twitter feed. #SEO

— Allie O'Brien (@Allie_OBrien) July 5, 2013

I would cross my fingers for a seat at the cool kids table one day

fantastic little night catching up w/@wilreynolds @willcritchlow @gfiorelli1 @AnnieCushing @BrittanBright @iPullRank and others #luckylady

— Joanna Lord (@JoannaLord) July 8, 2013

At the #mozcon speaker dinner! Helloooo jennita @ Sole Repair http://t.co/B8VK0mme6n

— Aleyda Solis (@aleyda) July 8, 2013

I would ride the Bainbridge Ferry, ferris wheel, and visit the Space Needle

All aboard the Bainbridge ferry with @CoriShirk and @teresa_a_lopez. Thanks for the tip, @RachaelGerson! pic.twitter.com/0bLGqHROGc

— Stephanie Beadell (@stephbeadell) July 6, 2013

View from the #GreatWheel #mozcon pic.twitter.com/FbiIfx2BKn

— Kathryn Denton (@KDenton101) July 8, 2013

I’d whine about the wifi

#mozcon #wifimemes pic.twitter.com/7zpTQ3DpsY

— Greg Gifford (@GregGifford) July 8, 2013

So is that the end of the wifi at #mozcon? 60 seconds is the new record!

— Mike Arnesen (@Mike_Arnesen) July 8, 2013

Yet again, 3rd year in a row, WiFi at #MozCon is ass-tactic Best SEO conference, hands down, but come on…

— Sam McRoberts (@Sams_Antics) July 8, 2013

Not being able to access wifi at an online marketing user conference? Ironic? No, just annoying. #MozCon

— Evil Drew (@EvilDrew) July 8, 2013

One thing SEOs are especially good at is taking down WiFi networks. #mozcon

— Matt Gagen (@matthewgagen) July 8, 2013

So I heard that if you move @edfryed away from a wifi signal for too long HE DIES

— Joel K (@cstechjoel) July 7, 2013

I’d get really excited about Avinash cursing, too

And last but not least, I would certainly be donning plaid, or as Amber Osborne calls it, “The other #mozcon shirt”.

Plaid. The other #mozcon shirt…. @edfryed @lstigerts @justinrbriggs @ZephSnapp @cstechjoel #mozcon pic.twitter.com/7ru8cqYNBU

— Amber Osborne (@MissDestructo) July 8, 2013

Apparently I missed the plaid shirt memo at #mozcon

— Brad Knutson (@BradSKnutson) July 8, 2013

I'm swaggerjacking @randfish with my beard and plaid shirts. #mozcon

— Chipper Nicodemus (@chipnicodemus) July 8, 2013

This post is obviously glowing green with envy. For those of you at MozCon, please keep live-tweeting your adventures. How else are we supposed to vicariously live through you?